Those that know me know one of my biggest influences was E. Lynn Harris. I've heard that he has died. Not sure if it's true yet but just thought I would share.
This was taken from the Arkasas Times.
E. Lynn Harris, the best-selling Arkansas author known for contemporary stories about African-Americans, has suffered a serious health setback. His personal assistant confirmed an unspecified health event, but said she was awaiting word from a hotel where Harris was staying on a book tour before providing further information. UPDATE: Arkansas Sports 360 reports that Harris has died at age 54 during a West Coast book tour. The item does not cite a source, but Harris was close to the UA Athletic Department and had worked as coach and sponsor of the cheerleaders.
Invisible life changed my life. Prior to reading it I'm not ashamed now to say that I hadn't read a novel cover to cover. My eyes were opened that there were stories being written about me, about us. It inspired me to write as well.
This is a formal retraction of the last post…lol. Sometimes I get pissed off dealing with bullshit that sometimes comes along with the territory. But after some retrospection I sulked for 5 minutes then found a new perspective. Thanks for the feedback even after I’ve been MIA for a few weeks. Long story short… you just gotta work it (whatever it is) and let the haters do what they do. After all they have a job to do to (hate). And if I/you let it keep you down, they win.
Cant wait for the new Mary album. So far she is killing it.
I was listening to the Doo Dirty Show today. Shout out to DJ www.ddirtyshow.podomatic.com over there in NY. I haven’t blogged in a while and his show today got me to break my silence…temporarily. It really got me to thinking.
One thing I can respect about this kat is that he gives it raw and unfiltered. After a very dramatic interview, he started talking about the downside of being in the public eye. I mean he really broke it down. Prior to today I never considered myself public domain. When I started this writing years ago it was just for enjoyment. My blog was an online diary. I never expected anyone to read it. When people started reading, leaving comments, and connecting me to my books I couldn’t believe that my ordinary life could have an impact on anyone else. But I’ve realized is that its just that…my ordinary world isn’t always ordinary. The things I go through and how I deal with them is what impacts others.
So, my blogs became more personal and I teetered on the fence of telling all my business and not telling anything at all. I felt I was doing the readers an injustice by not sharing things from my personal life but was scared to put it all out there. I’ve always been a very private person but blogging seemed harmless because I was posting things to an online world of people I didn’t know and would never see. WRONG. I also realized is that our community is so small. To hell with 6 degrees of separation in this small world it’s more like one or two.
What started as innocent expression turned into recognition. However with recognition comes all the drama DJ talked about. People gossiping, lying, and trying to bring you down just because. It seemed like the more attention I got the more people started disliking me. The same ones that claimed I was so nice were some of the same ones spreading lies about me in secret. But as a man I ignored it and continued to go on with my life and not get caught up in chaos because that’s just not me. I’ve seen all types in the past few years from kind hearted artists who don’t mind lifting up others and sharing their expertise. Then I’ve seen the catty ass fake fabulous types who live for the spotlight and will do anything to get there. I’ve seen people changing like the weather.
But back to my point…is this what being public domain is? Do success and a little recognition rob you of the innocence of creativity? I started this thing with pure intentions and with that intent I’ll remain. And before I let the same thing happen to me that I’ve seen happen to quite a few of my brothers in the game I’ll bow out. Staying true to you is better than the hype. So to those who have asked why they haven’t seen me around as much online, why I am not in many of the well known circles, and why I’m not promoting or touring as much as other people…I’m staying true to myself.
(Thank you Bronze Buckaroo for bringing this to my attention) I had no idea that keithboykin.com had a review of “I Wrote This Song” on his website. When “Bronze” let me know about the review, I immediately went to the site and BOOM my grill and big-ass, kool aid smile is on the front page. This was one of those ta-da moments—one of the many that I will take with me forever on this journey.
Lee Hayes emailed me earlier in the week, letting me know that Stanley Bennett Clay…(Mr. “In Search of Pretty Young Black Men” himself) reviewed my fist novel “I Wrote This Song”. I was honored (shocked and honored). Then to see that the folks over at wwwKeithBoykin.com showed me love by posting the review was another ta-da! Keith is this awesome activist who has been on major television stations, written New York Times-bestsellers, and has done so many other incredible things. I’m still kinda shocked. These men are some of the “whose who” in our community. Here I am, climbing up the rough side of the mountain of success…lol
However, I have learned that you must celebrate EVERY victory, not just the major ones. By being grateful for everything that comes your way, you will be blessed with so much more. I am thankful and humbled by the support and look forward to even greater things to come. We still have so much work to do. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed at the many things I want to accomplish verses where I am. Then, God shows up at times and situations like this to remind me that all is well. The world will soon enough find out who Dayne Avery is.
One thing I’ve realized by blogging is that there is a common thread that unites us all. No matter how much of an individual I think I am or how unique I feel my experiences have been—through blogging I’ve realized that we really aren’t that different. We go through similar situations, similar feelings, have similar beliefs and when it comes down to it, we are uniquely individual yet similar in our ways. We are all hustling to make our lives better and learning major life lessons along the way. Often times I hold back my thoughts because I know when I “post” everyone can see my vulnerability. Then, it becomes open territory for speculation, interpretation, and misinterpretation. But even in those times of holding back, I may go to one of my fellow bloggers pages and see that they are going through a similar situation that I may have wanted to post, but didn’t. It amazes me. If our community came together in the world like we do on blogger- don’t you know we would be force to be dealt with? A powerful network of who’s who and what’s what on a global level. We have political voices, legal voices, creative voices, and many other realms all in this blogworld. If we united…oh my God could you imagine the outcome? Well anyway enough rambling from me. I just wanted to take a moment and say thanks to everybody who checks out my blog and for those who are still blogging for helping us realize that “I’m just like you.”
I ran into the person I had sex with for the first time yesterday. Maybe I should say the person I gave my virginity to, but that makes it sound much better than it was. And I didn’t give it. It was more like manipulation. It’s been over 9 years, but I wonder why every time I see him I still get that feeling. I don’t love him—not even sure if I like him that much as a person after how things went down. Nevertheless, whenever I see him my heart starts beating fast. I get nervous and I lose my train of thought. Why do I feel this way?
I was 17. He was 23. I was naive and to say he was experienced would be an understatement. There was something about him back then that gave me the feeling I had yesterday, but at a higher level and I swore it was love. The night we had sex I was home from college for the weekend. I knew what I wanted. We had been talking on the phone for weeks, knew each other for years—I wanted him bad. There was just something about him that made me weak. Maybe because he was in a position of power, maybe it was his sense of humor, his age, confidence, or a combination of all the above. I WANTED HIM BAD. I came to his house, we watched tv, stumbled over an awkward conversation because we both knew what I came for—a few minutes later it was over. No kissing, no foreplay, no romance, no passion. For a long time I thought that’s what sex was. Thankfully, years later I learned otherwise.
That night the sex hurt in everyway possible, mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally. What had I done? He didn’t love me. We didn’t even kiss. I convinced myself that I was ready, yet I was anything but. I told myself that it was ok, but wanted so much more, telling myself losing your virginity was beautiful only in movies and romance novels. I went on to make a fool out of myself for this man. Maybe I’ll post about that later.
The worst part was finding out that he took my cousin’s (who was my best friend at the time) virginity also.
What is the feeling I have for him? It kinda feels like butterflies but not the pretty yellow and orange ones. This feeling is more like the big, scary black and brown butterflies that look more like giant moths. Why do I feel this way every time I see him? It isn’t love and it isn’t hate. Is it the ignition of all my dreams for us that sparks every time I look into his eyes. I have moved on years ago, pushing these memories away from my conscious mind. Why does his presence always bring them back?
Those that know me know one of my biggest influences was E. Lynn Harris. I've heard that he has died. Not sure if it's true yet but just thought I would share.
